Wedding Updates!

This morning, I woke up and suddenly felt like: ZOMG! Holy-Jesus-look-at-the-time-Batman, there’s only 4 months left for the wedding party in Sri Lanka!!!!!

There are things to be done! Menus to be planned! Outfits to be selected and fitted! Songs to be chosen (which Kartik was delegated to do, however he ended up putting Rod Stewart on the list so the task has now been self-appointed to me). The ceremony to be planned!

Shoes!!!

I am so not a shoe person so I totally forgot that I need shoes as well. Men have it easy I tell you, it’s one pair of black shoes + one pair of brown shoes and viola you don’t need any more pairs. Hair styles to be experimented. Weight to be lost! Honeymoon to be planned ...and obviously infinite minor details to be considered.

Suddenly, it feels as if the melancholy I had been experiencing these last few weeks has been lifted and wedding fever is taking over me!

Updates—

1.       The new and revised (by me) song list has 63 songs so far. Looking for more so do give some suggestions if you can. [psst…don’t even think about suggesting Rod Stewart]

2.       Hair style – already decided. One more to go.

3.       Flower arrangements – day 1, white and blue, day 2, white and yellow. In any case, the word -understated- is how I want the flowers / decor to look.

[Side Note: Let's say the wedding decor world was divided into two people--the Jackie O camp and the Donald Trump camp. I'm just going to assume that you know who the two individuals are and their tastes. Most of India would fall into the Donald Trump on Steroids camp when it comes to wedding decor. Ostentatious is not a bad word but a compliment. I fall under the Jackie O camp and I'm hoping we can pull off something that Jackie O would have found tasteful.]

4.        Cake—chocolate

5.       Honeymoon destination – beach with no geckos/lizards! Since this would prove to be impossible for remote areas, we’re going to go for a relatively populated beach and possibly book a hotel room high up.

6.       Card design—I have a design in mind, make a preliminary sketch this week!

7.       Clothes—kinda complicated, but I have a design in my head which is awesome, should it come out perfectly!

Updates from the lovely state of Haryana

So this has been a crazy-half-a-month so far. I that during this time period. I have managed to

a)      Lose it in a traffic jam. Seriously, I was ready to step outside and beat people up

b)      Turn into a bigger judgmental asshole. It’s not my place or authority to judge people on what they do, what they spend, and who their mommies and daddies are. I realize that. Yet I cannot get out of this cynical thinking pattern that just alienates me from everyone.

The weird thing is, I'm turning into a quasi racist against the local Haryana population (the Haryanvis). It's a culture that I simply cannot identify with, let alone understand.

c)       Nurse my sickly cat back to health! (Finally a positive point!).

d)      Go through an existential crisis on who am I and what the eff I’m doing in India

e)      Feel immensely guilty that I’ve been handed everything in India on a silver platter, and yet I’m facing problems adjusting here.

f)       Watch this documentary called The Final Solution [thanks to one of my readers Carvaka for pointing it out] and got positively freaked out. Hindu fundamentalists are freaking brutal.

g)      Beat Kartik at chess twice! [though he beat me twice as well so it’s more of a stale mate]

h)      Buy a red dress at Benetton.

i)        Been told I look like Zooey Dechanel, Audrey Hepburn, and Audrey Tautou. Haha, yea right.

j)        Think about asking The Keg to open up a joint here. Get rid of these damn cows on the road.

k)      Watch the worse movie ever made ‘cowboys and aliens’…DON’T watch it.

l)        Fire my maid [whom I’d really hoped I could change for the better] as she wasn’t interested in working / studying and was planning to go to Dubai all along. Poor kid is going to suffer immensely in Dubai.

m)    Eat awesome momos   made by my driver’s wife. Lady knows how to cook momos! Wonder if she knows other Nepali foods like choila.

n)      Not have any fun.   I love spending time with Kartik, whether it’s going to a movie or going to dinner, or playing a game of chess or table tennis. But hanging out with a group of people just makes me nervous and withdrawn.

Ah well, I’m going to focus my energy on planning the wedding and other happy things. Get my but in gear and start volunteering? Maybe start cooking again. Read…this is something I truly enjoyed doing and I can't seem to start a book anymore. Moving to India, in spite of the fact that I have a wonderful fiance [who in turn has a wonderful family] who has bent over backwards helping me settle down here, has been very difficult. Not to mention the guilt that comes along with the fact that I know how much help and acceptance I've received from everyone.  I am constantly anxious, constantly apprehensive, and always expecting the worst.

Moving to another country was -in no way as hell- as easy as I had previously perceived, even while having someone as supportive and nurturing as Kartik by my side.

Videos that make me smile

Lola (my cat) is sick at the moment. She had a routine surgery done on Tuesday, and she’s become very weak. I am desperately hoping she gets better soon. She’s been a tremendous source of joy and support for me in India and to see her so confused and in pain is heartbreaking.

To anyone who believes that cats never show affection—they do, if they think you are worthy of affection. They aren’t emotionally needy like dogs and neither are they ‘obedient.’ They follow their free will without needing to hear ‘good doggy’ praises from anyone.

Thought I’d share a few videos that lightened my mood today.

1.       Canadian Police Chase—Midas Commercial

2.       Family Planning Commercial—Hilarious

3.       Tic Toc Parody

4.       Kitten says nom nom (my cat Mitten also does this)

Side note: I miss commercials back home. Most of the commercials here seem to be very [disturbingly] family oriented and/or feature creepy kids who are not even that cute.

My Journy in India as Related by my Fiance's Blackberry Camera

So Kartik has this habit of taking pictures of me on his phone all the time. Thought I'd put a few of em up here to kinda jump through my journey in India so far.

Shack in Goa where we hung out the most.

We hung out here and pretty much drank brandy [we were both sick] and looked at the sea. Excellent momos, though not too surprising considering that most of the service staff was Nepali!

me!

Even in the winter, the mid-day sun in Goa is HOT. So wear a hat!

babu huts, where most of Kartik's friends were staying. We were staying next door in Yoga Gypsies

One of my bday celebrations at Olive. Me eating the cake that Kartik had ordered.

The year before, Kartik had organized an awesome surprise bday party where he'd invited everyone in our Toronto apt. This year, we celebrated my bday quietly, just the two of us for three amazing days. What can I say, yo tengo un fiance excelente. :)

the Meena Bazaar. Right before we sat through a ridiculoud Sound and Light Show at the Red Fort

Me!! At a store in the Meena Bazaar.

My bday present, peeking around the computer.

My bday present, hiding behind the computer. Lol.

My third day at work. Kartik came in and took this pic.

Kartik and I at Holi. We crashed this private party in a huge private garden.

At the club next to Shiro's. Don't even know the name at this moment, but they had good Margaritas [on the rocks, not the blended kind].

So there you have it. My life in India as told by my fiance's cell phone camera.

Ruminations induced by a seriously existential traffic jam

One of the major reasons why Kartik was worried about moving to India is the fact that I have zero adaptability. I have a well defined comfort zone and stepping out of my personal boundaries induces panic. Actually, even the thought of stepping out of my personal boundaries is enough to induce massive anxiety. Kartik is the opposite. He’s an adapter who can change his spots to suit his surroundings in a seemingly effortless manner. He knows what so say, when to say it, and how to say it. This is an advantage that most Indian people have against, well, anybody really—they’ve grown up in such cut throat competition that they can survive and adapt to anything. You can’t take time off for being sick, being depressed, recovering from an eating disorder…heck, you can’t even think of ever having an eating disorder in the first place. Kartik doesn’t really come into this group as he was born with a sizeable silver spoon in his mouth [as compared to members of what’s considered the middle class in India] but he definitely has the competitive Indian spirit that’s part hard-work, part aggression and part rigid practicality. From what I’ve seen, the most successful people here have been those who don’t get sick, multitask 24/7, simply do not give up under any circumstances, and those who have [what I’ve labelled] positive aggression.

Chaos on the Streets

I am coming to terms with the fact that I am not remotely cut out to be that way. The grand epiphany puts me in a glitch as I wasn’t, how do I say this, born with a sizeable silver spoon in my mouth. Sure I was raised in relative comfort, but nothing that remotely resembled a silver spoon. Now in Canada, this wouldn’t have really mattered because most people can lead comfortable lives without having to be wealthy. You’ll get electricity, gas, central a/c and heating, proper insulation and decent plumbing for a much cheaper rate than you would in India. To put things into perspective having an a/c for each room, somewhat insulated windows, and half way decent plumbing is considered a luxury! Our summer electricity bills in Gurgaon come up to roughly two hundred Canadian dollars a month [in Toronto, it would be somewhere between $60 - $80 CAD]. As you can see <here> our apartment is a small two bedroom unit, so it’s not some massive place that requires the constant use of a/c. Gas prices are generally more expensive by 40 cents / litre.  You have to pay for your kids schooling. Insurance companies are bigger shall we say sharks here than they are in the US. [Side Note: Ya know what India desperately needs? A Michael Moore! Imagine someone going to some Indian ministry with a camera and documentary crew.] Obviously, people here make a lot less money than they do in Canada so it’s mind boggling how they survive and still manage to save a lot more $ than your average Canadian.

Michael Moore

I certainly miss Canadian life and values. There’s no pressure to throw yourself into your work to have a somewhat decent standard of living. You go to uni, get average grades, at the end of the day you’ll most likely get a starting salary of at least 30K a year. Healthcare is universal. Kids get an excellent tax payer funded education. Politicians actually work in public service [they may annoy you with their moustaches however…Jack Layton has a very annoying moustache]. And racism is um considered bad…VERY bad. [Side note: some people here complain that ‘white’ people are generally racist. I would highly disagree with this sentiment. From my experiences, I come to the conclusion that minorities are far more racist to each other than ‘white’ people are towards minorities. Ask a random Indian what he or she thinks of the appearance of a Chinese person (or vice versa). I can guarantee you that you will most likely get a response that a ‘white’ person would label as racist].

In India, there’s no license to feel bad about people stereotyping your behaviour based on your ethnic background. You have to take an aggressive step forward and say ‘well, eff you, your ethnic background is *insert a whole bunch of racist stereotypes here*.’

Speaking of ethnicity and culture, my maid, who hails from a Lama-Tamang background, has no clue about her heritage! She doesn’t speak Tamang, doesn’t know any significant Tamang festivals, and this bugs me in three ways. First, I feel like she should know at least something about her heritage! Second, I feel like I should know it too! Nepal is a culturally diverse country and if Mahendra-Mala can make a stupid chapter [on every book mind you] about the amiable qualities of cows, it can bloody well have chapters highlighting cultural diversity in Nepal. Third, I also feel that it’s none of my business to be telling my maid what she should know about her own culture. The last point particularly bugs me because I realize that my maid and I are alike. We’re classic textbook examples of human migration à loss of language / culture à assimilation à indifference to parent-culture.

Back to the topic—I can definitely understand why people get pissed when I complain about living in India. India has been nicer to me than it has to 97% of its own citizens. But I feel that life here is too chaotic [not necessarily a negative word] and I am not adapting to my surroundings fast enough. I’m okay with living in India for a few years but I’ve come to the resolute conclusion that I do not want to raise children here. Kartik turned out great! And he has his parents to thank for that. But I’ve seen rather numerous examples of people who I definitely do not want my children turning into.