Kay in India
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
On Joel Stein and His Increasing Douchebagishness
Ah, the literary genius that is Joel Stein. Mere words can’t
describe the true magnificence of his literary genius. Unless you’ve been
living under a rock or are oblivious to this great thing called ‘ze internets,’
you’ll know about the TIME article penned by the great Joel Stein where he goes
on to list his grievances with Gen Y, AKA the Millennials.
He very clearly states his opinions—he thinks anyone born
from 1983 – 2000 is lazy, entitled (I love this word, I think all of us
entitled brats should have a take-back-the-word movement), arrogant, and
spoiled. Stein himself is an Xer, who, at 41 is surprisingly still young. Most of the ‘oh the younger generation is spoiled’ people are old, like
white hair and walking stick old.
So anyway, when I first saw the article (do not pay TIME $ 5
to read it, just look for a scanned copy online), I thought the author’s name sounded
familiar. Then I remembered that this was the same racist douche bag who
complained that his hometown in New Jersey had too many Indian immigrants who
were behaving like Indians and not like the ‘Guindians’ (Stein’s term) from his
high school days. Seriously, Guindians. See his genius?
And then, after a whole lot of people called Stein out on
his racism, he issued an apology saying that society would benefit by analyzing his level of discomfort caused by the New Jersey Indians. I’m not making this
shit up. You can read the article (with the apology at the bottom) over here.
So, there you have it: Stein’s gone from the racist white
guy who’s uncomfortable with multiculturalism to old, grumpy guy who yells ‘get
out of my lawn you kids.’ The real question is WHY does TIME still publish his
bullshit?
Take the 'How Millennial Are You'? Quiz here. I scored 55%
Monday, May 13, 2013
Weight Gain, Water Retention, Food and Holidays! [BEWARE: tiny violins may be playing in the background]
I’ve been very good with not stuffing my face with food (an
activity I seem to enjoy immensely) for the last month and a half, with the
exception of one Sunday Brunch where I had tons of sushi and drank one of every
cocktail available on the menu. I’ve even been hitting the gym and doing yoga
with my instructor regularly. Frankly, I’m quite surprised at my level of
dedication because I’ve gone through many a ‘first day at the gym’ moments
without any second day follow ups. I suppose somewhere between November of last
year and mid-February this year, I really started hating (like hating with the
passion of a thousand suns) the way I was beginning to look. I was consistently
gaining weight and retaining water so my face looked like a tomato and my
fingers were always swollen. It’s not
that I became ‘fat’ or even ‘chubby’ (okay, maybe a little chubby), but in my
head, I started resembling an egg. I don't own a scale so I don't know what I weigh (I haven't known my weight for three years now), but I do know that my main enemy is water retention and not weight gain. I was slowly developing an egg-shaped body
with skinny limbs—like a humpty dumpty of sorts.
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| Yup, this Humpty Dumpty |
It’s not just the weight gain and water retention either, my
skin has withered, like WITHERED: think of an old witch brewing some bat wing
concoction, and imagine what her skin looks like. I blame the pollution and
super hard water that you get over here, but I think it has more to do with
aging and my general laziness. See, I’ve never had to worry about ‘taking care’
of my skin. Apart from a horrible bout of adult acne in my early 20s
(completely cured within 2 months of taking Diane-35), I’ve never had any skin
issues. In Vancouver, I’d come out of the shower—maybe put on some compact
powder on my face if I was going out, put on eyeliner and lipgloss and viola! I
was done.
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| And I have a black cat to boot! |
Fast forward to Toronto, I started using foundation because
my skin became pale and the hard water was beginning to make my skin dull. Fast
forward to India (two years in) and my skin has worsened big time. I’m getting
oxidized sebaceous spots on my nose (my poor nose) and my pores are beginning
to become slightly enlarged. Ew. Like super ew. So anyway, I’ve finally
realized that I’m no longer one of the blessed ones who can eat and drink what
they want and wake up with a glorious complexion. I have to work for it like
anyone else—and I will.
I’m not even going to go into ‘hair’ territory because mine
has become a lost cause. As a South Asian with super fine hair, I’m quite an
anomaly—most other South Asians have extremely thick stranded hair. People in
India do not know how to cut fine hair. One dude even gave me a mullet. He
spent an hour and a half cutting my hair (with two assistants no less) and I
ended up with a mullet. Currently, I have high lights that have grown out, and
I’m extremely undecided as to what I want to do. Should I get more high lights?
Should I get my hair colored back to my natural color? Decisions, decisions…
Getting to the ‘Holiday’ part of the title, we took a family
trip to Shimla last weekend and it was super fun! The town was so pretty
with heritage British buildings (that could be better preserved), though some
of the newer houses were kinda ugly. I hope the regional government creates
some restrictions on houses like they do in Kasauli. Having ugly bright pink or
yellow houses can most definitely ruin the otherwise beautiful landscape.
We drove from Delhi to Shimla on Friday and it took us about
seven hours (we started at 4:30 in the morning and took a food/bathroom break).
One cop banged on the car window and started yelling at us—we didn’t understand
what he said, but he definitely said something about us being people from Haryana.
It was hilarious because none of us were from Haryana. People from Haryana and
Bihar seem to be on the receiving end of everyone’s angry tirades. The drive
was very easy—the hilly roads are nothing like the roads in Nepal, as in they’re
far safer and easier to navigate. The downside being that you don’t get the
view you get in Nepal. It’s a little scary as in there are only two lanes and
in order to overtake a vehicle, you’ll have to go onto the other side, and
sometimes you can’t see oncoming traffic because of the curves. Google maps
works excellently in Shimla and surrounding regions.
| Colonial Marketplace |
The hotel we were staying at was super cool because the
interiors reminded me of The Shining (the movie where Jack Nicholson goes crazy
and says ‘Here’s Johnny!’ while hacking the bathroom door with an axe). While the
hotel we were staying in was luxurious, we went for lunch to an even
more luxurious resort that was further up from Shimla that is gorgeous. It’s
a tough call between the two, but I’d choose Cecil to Wildflower Hall because
you’re closer to the city and you have more activities to do. And it’s supposed
to be haunted! If you’re in dire need of rehab or a crash diet or anything else
that requires a tranquil setting where you can clear your thoughts, then
Wildflower Hall is a better choice. If
you’re super loaded and have lots of time to spare then I’d suggest staying in
both!
| I can totally see Jack Nicholson running through here branding an axe! |
| The rooms had this weird second door called a 'privacy door' |
Anyway, for the last three days, I’d gone back to stuffing
my face and guzzling booze like an aged rock star who decided that rehab was for
losers. As a result, I now resemble a tomato. In fact, when I was eating
roasted tomatoes with cheese for breakfast, Kartik kept laughing and saying ‘a
tomato eating a tomato, hahahaha.’ Because I’d been eating [relatively]
healthfully and had [relatively] cut down on alcohol, my body couldn’t take it at
all! We went to Pandara Road for dinner yesterday, after driving back from
Shimla and I was in pain. PAIN I tell you, PAIN! So I’ve decided to go on a
fast for a few days to let my body calm down a bit.
Folks, this is how you know you’re getting older: your body
gains weight in a weird way, your skin rebels against you, you get weird oxidized filaments on your nose, and you can’t eat ‘rich’
food for more than a meal. So now I’m back on a healthier, small portions
lifestyle and so is my cat. I got her a collar so people would realize she’s a
domestic cat, and the damn thing doesn’t fit!
| My chubby cat Lola |
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