Mango Season! [pictures]

It's mango season in India!

We got a whole box full of mangoes from Kartik's dad!

Here's Lola in a hat!

Lola being curious.

On Joel Stein and His Increasing Douchebagishness

Ah, the literary genius that is Joel Stein. Mere words can’t describe the true magnificence of his literary genius. Unless you’ve been living under a rock or are oblivious to this great thing called ‘ze internets,’ you’ll know about the TIME article penned by the great Joel Stein where he goes on to list his grievances with Gen Y, AKA the Millennials.

[Read the Atlantic Wire rebuttal here]

He very clearly states his opinions—he thinks anyone born from 1983 – 2000 is lazy, entitled (I love this word, I think all of us entitled brats should have a take-back-the-word movement), arrogant, and spoiled. Stein himself is an Xer, who, at 41 is surprisingly still young. Most of the ‘oh the younger generation is spoiled’ people are old, like white hair and walking stick old.

So anyway, when I first saw the article (do not pay TIME $ 5 to read it, just look for a scanned copy online), I thought the author’s name sounded familiar. Then I remembered that this was the same racist douche bag who complained that his hometown in New Jersey had too many Indian immigrants who were behaving like Indians and not like the ‘Guindians’ (Stein’s term) from his high school days. Seriously, Guindians. See his genius?

And then, after a whole lot of people called Stein out on his racism, he issued an apology saying that society would benefit by analyzing his level of discomfort caused by the New Jersey Indians. I’m not making this shit up. You can read the article (with the apology at the bottom) over here.

[Read actor Kal Penn’s  great reply to Stein’s racist article social commentary on Edison, New Jersey here]

So, there you have it: Stein’s gone from the racist white guy who’s uncomfortable with multiculturalism to old, grumpy guy who yells ‘get out of my lawn you kids.’ The real question is WHY does TIME still publish his bullshit?

Take the 'How Millennial Are You'? Quiz here. I scored 55%

Weight Gain, Water Retention, Food and Holidays! [BEWARE: tiny violins may be playing in the background]

I’ve been very good with not stuffing my face with food (an activity I seem to enjoy immensely) for the last month and a half, with the exception of one Sunday Brunch where I had tons of sushi and drank one of every cocktail available on the menu. I’ve even been hitting the gym and doing yoga with my instructor regularly. Frankly, I’m quite surprised at my level of dedication because I’ve gone through many a ‘first day at the gym’ moments without any second day follow ups. I suppose somewhere between November of last year and mid-February this year, I really started hating (like hating with the passion of a thousand suns) the way I was beginning to look. I was consistently gaining weight and retaining water so my face looked like a tomato and my fingers were always swollen.  It’s not that I became ‘fat’ or even ‘chubby’ (okay, maybe a little chubby), but in my head, I started resembling an egg. I don't own a scale so I don't know what I weigh (I haven't known my weight for three years now), but I do know that my main enemy is water retention and not weight gain. I was slowly developing an egg-shaped body with skinny limbs—like a humpty dumpty of sorts.

Yup, this Humpty Dumpty

It’s not just the weight gain and water retention either, my skin has withered, like WITHERED: think of an old witch brewing some bat wing concoction, and imagine what her skin looks like. I blame the pollution and super hard water that you get over here, but I think it has more to do with aging and my general laziness. See, I’ve never had to worry about ‘taking care’ of my skin. Apart from a horrible bout of adult acne in my early 20s (completely cured within 2 months of taking Diane-35), I’ve never had any skin issues. In Vancouver, I’d come out of the shower—maybe put on some compact powder on my face if I was going out, put on eyeliner and lipgloss and viola! I was done.

And I have a black cat to boot!

Fast forward to Toronto, I started using foundation because my skin became pale and the hard water was beginning to make my skin dull. Fast forward to India (two years in) and my skin has worsened big time. I’m getting oxidized sebaceous spots on my nose (my poor nose) and my pores are beginning to become slightly enlarged. Ew. Like super ew. So anyway, I’ve finally realized that I’m no longer one of the blessed ones who can eat and drink what they want and wake up with a glorious complexion. I have to work for it like anyone else—and I will.

I’m not even going to go into ‘hair’ territory because mine has become a lost cause. As a South Asian with super fine hair, I’m quite an anomaly—most other South Asians have extremely thick stranded hair. People in India do not know how to cut fine hair. One dude even gave me a mullet. He spent an hour and a half cutting my hair (with two assistants no less) and I ended up with a mullet. Currently, I have high lights that have grown out, and I’m extremely undecided as to what I want to do. Should I get more high lights? Should I get my hair colored back to my natural color? Decisions, decisions…

Getting to the ‘Holiday’ part of the title, we took a family trip to Shimla last weekend and it was super fun! The town was so pretty with heritage British buildings (that could be better preserved), though some of the newer houses were kinda ugly. I hope the regional government creates some restrictions on houses like they do in Kasauli. Having ugly bright pink or yellow houses can most definitely ruin the otherwise beautiful landscape.

We drove from Delhi to Shimla on Friday and it took us about seven hours (we started at 4:30 in the morning and took a food/bathroom break). One cop banged on the car window and started yelling at us—we didn’t understand what he said, but he definitely said something about us being people from Haryana. It was hilarious because none of us were from Haryana. People from Haryana and Bihar seem to be on the receiving end of everyone’s angry tirades. The drive was very easy—the hilly roads are nothing like the roads in Nepal, as in they’re far safer and easier to navigate. The downside being that you don’t get the view you get in Nepal. It’s a little scary as in there are only two lanes and in order to overtake a vehicle, you’ll have to go onto the other side, and sometimes you can’t see oncoming traffic because of the curves. Google maps works excellently in Shimla and surrounding regions.

Colonial Marketplace 

The hotel we were staying at was super cool because the interiors reminded me of The Shining (the movie where Jack Nicholson goes crazy and says ‘Here’s Johnny!’ while hacking the bathroom door with an axe). While the hotel we were staying in was luxurious, we went for lunch to an even more luxurious resort that was further up from Shimla that is gorgeous. It’s a tough call between the two, but I’d choose Cecil to Wildflower Hall because you’re closer to the city and you have more activities to do. And it’s supposed to be haunted! If you’re in dire need of rehab or a crash diet or anything else that requires a tranquil setting where you can clear your thoughts, then Wildflower Hall is a better choice.  If you’re super loaded and have lots of time to spare then I’d suggest staying in both!

I can totally see Jack Nicholson running through here branding an axe!

The rooms had this weird second door called a 'privacy door'

Anyway, for the last three days, I’d gone back to stuffing my face and guzzling booze like an aged rock star who decided that rehab was for losers. As a result, I now resemble a tomato. In fact, when I was eating roasted tomatoes with cheese for breakfast, Kartik kept laughing and saying ‘a tomato eating a tomato, hahahaha.’ Because I’d been eating [relatively] healthfully and had [relatively] cut down on alcohol, my body couldn’t take it at all! We went to Pandara Road for dinner yesterday, after driving back from Shimla and I was in pain. PAIN I tell you, PAIN! So I’ve decided to go on a fast for a few days to let my body calm down a bit.

Folks, this is how you know you’re getting older: your body gains weight in a weird way, your skin rebels against you, you get weird oxidized filaments on your nose, and you can’t eat ‘rich’ food for more than a meal. So now I’m back on a healthier, small portions lifestyle and so is my cat. I got her a collar so people would realize she’s a domestic cat, and the damn thing doesn’t fit!

My chubby cat Lola